Welcome Confusedandangry. The feelings you have are shared by many of us here, especially, "How could I have been so blind and not see through the scam?"
The good news is that you have awakened. Your task now is to take things slowly and learn to be "cautious & innocent." Don't give the "executioners" any information which they could/would use against you.
As "mature faders" ourselves, my wife and I have established our own set of rules, and the elders cannot cross the lines drawn. Take time to do some research, and carefully prepare your answers when others attempt to get information out of you. Here are a couple things which I hope will help you on your journey.
https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5734981074681856/how-fade-basics
https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5748999109738496/what-org-teaches-1-dealing-sinners
Keep researching and try to stay restrained when you feel that the J.W.'s around you should know the truth. It's hard to keep quiet, but it will save you a lot of grief if you do!